New Beginning, New Direction
Your Personal ResponsibilitiesWhen I started to write down all the points I wanted to make in the article for this issue of Payam Magazine, Barak Obama, still President Elect, flew from Chicago to Philadelphia to take a train to Washington D.C for his inauguration and start his presidency with all hopes and aspirations he gave to this nation and the world. We all have witnessed the public’s outpouring of emotions for themselves and their nation as a whole to come true. During this election I, as many other Persian-Americans, had my share of tears of happiness for hope of better days to come. Also, I had tears for the people and nations who have little hope for having a democratic system which gives them a chance, the possibility and hope for a better life. For me it is important that my beloved adopted country do better in respect to policies nationally and internationally which affect me, my family, friends, communities and fellow citizens from all walks of life. I also hope for better days for my beloved country of my origin, Iran. The depth of each Persian-American‘s emotional and practical involvements with the political process of the U.S depends on how fully you have become part of this country, have planed your life and the future of your children in this country.
In his many speeches, President Obama not only has pointed out what the government can do, but also personal responsibilities that each person can take to make positive changes not only in his or her life but others. I would like to share with readers my thoughts about these personal responsibilities which very much relate to the work I do with precious individuals and their families each day. So, let’s review these personal responsibilities. To explain, I divide these responsibilities, although all related intimately, into three levels: to self, to family and to the community. When embarking on them collectively bring sense of purpose, direction and more satisfaction into your life.
First are the responsibilities to yourself. Simply said, take a good care of yourself physically and emotionally. This is important in that you, as an adult, need to understand that no one, absolutely no one, can be responsible for your well-being more that yourself. This is a major psychological state of mind in your development into responsible adults. With all advancements in treatment of some major health problems nothing can replace preventive measures, (eat healthy, drink moderately and responsibly, exercise your body and mind etc.) which sustains a healthy body and mind. It is also important to your psychological well-being that you take steps to know yourself, embrace all of yourself with your strengths and weakness, love yourself, give yourself permission to fully experience your mind and your emotions and learn to express yourself authentically and appropriately in the relationship with others.
We all know the cliché about resolutions – quit smoking or stop eating junk food and go back to our old habits a few days later. If you want your goals to be successful, it's best to choose them from a place of kindness to yourself and others. When you think about changes you would like to see in your life over the next year, keep in mind your deepest values and focus on dreams that get you excited. For Persian-Americans, times have been tough politically in the United States as a results of strained relationship with Iran and the last thing we need is to be even harder on ourselves at the start of a new year and a new beginning. By choosing resolutions that will bring more kindness and love for yourself and of what your soul personally craves, whether it's spiritual connection, warmth, passion, adventure, or healing, your success is inevitable.
Second are the responsibilities toward your families, your share of the responsibilities in your intimate relationships, and responsibilities toward your children. Do not take the relationship which you have started with all your hopes and desire for granted. Take every day as a new day to bring more of a connection and love to your relationships and provide everything for your partner that you wish for yourself. As an adult, when you have brought a child into this world, parenting is your most important responsibility. Make your most important resolution to be there, fully present with your heart and mind the moments they call you Mommy and Daddy and when you watch and care for them. But equally important is to know when to give the responsibilities back to them and stay out of their way of experiencing life on their own terms and take the responsibilities for their self-care and actions.
Here you can see the interconnectedness of responsibilities for the care of yourself, for your relationships with your partner and your children. How can you be authentically yourself in the relationship and do a responsible parenting in caring of your children when you do not take care of your physical and emotional needs?
Third are the responsibilities for the community you live in. Regardless of political views you may have, the time of change and renewal is here. Millions watched as Barack Obama was sworn into office and heard his message of the importance of getting people involved at the grassroots level to help their communities. Before he began his presidential campaign, he was asked why he wanted to become the President. Obama answered that he wanted to be of service to all. The practice of serving others isn't just the right thing to do; it's also a path to self-realization. All major religious traditions stress the importance of service to others: being a companion to sick and dying, bringing hot meals for the hungry, providing warm clothes for the poor, and so on. But these services to others are not necessarily just a spiritual obligation or the righteous thing to do, as it's promoted in many churches and synagogues and other organized religion establishments. It is also a path to self-realization, making it a supercharged version of the adage that when you give, you also receive. To help build your community, change lives, bring a smile to a child’s face in pain brings as much happiness and satisfaction to your life as to people you are helping. In fact, a good way to help your self is to help others. Now you see that all these three aspects of personal responsibilities are interrelated. Taking up on one empowers you in achieving the others. I want to end this peace with two quotes.
"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong."
-Ella Fitzgerald
"Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."
--Martin Luther King, Jr.
I wish you a happy & successful 2009
Dr. Khazrai is a licenses marriage & family therapist with 25 years of experience practicing in Newport Beach
