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From Friend:  I have been dating my boyfriend seriously with plans to marry.  He is from a large family and they are very close to each other.  My challenge is that they are not necessarily pleased to have me on board and I don’t really find them easy to spend time with.  This makes it very difficult during their many family functions.  What do I do at these gatherings?

To Friend:  The dilemma of getting along with in-laws is perhaps as old as time and though many are blessed to have a loving in-law relationship the rest of us are not so fortunate.  
As an individual it is vital, though not always possible, to have a strong sense of being.  Your self-confidence will come to your rescue when faced with those who may oppose or disapprove of you.  The most important thing to focus on first is how your partner feels about you.  You have mentioned that he is very close to his family.  Does that mean that he’s so attached to them that his decisions are influenced by his family or that he loves them and loves to spend time with them but is mature enough to make his own decisions?
Before our children were born my husband told me that we will love and raise our children but to remember that it will always be the two of us.  Then he explained to me that though we will build close ties as a family that we are ultimately going to raise responsible individuals who will grow up and start their own families and live their own lives.  So as much as he loves his family, is he ready to separate from them enough to build his own family with you?  If he is ready for a life time with you, then whether his family approves of you or not does not matter; all that is important is that he has chosen you and his family will have to respect his wishes and learn to love and welcome you.  The rest will be up to you.  
Believe in yourself and in your partner. For his sake and that of your future immediate family do your best to get along with your in-laws-to-be.  At family gatherings relax and have a good time.  Your partner will appreciate the effort you give for his sake.  As you do right by him, your in-laws will learn to do right by you.
Best of wishes,
Maryam

Please feel free to forward your questions, concerns or comments to maryamfriend2friend@gmail.ca

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