The Nature of Anger
Anger is a normal emotion among a range of human emotions. It is a natural, adaptive emotion in response to threats. Anger, like other emotions is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When we get angry, our heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of the energy hormones. Anger creates enormous energy which allows us to fight or take flight when we are threatened. Examples are when we are confronted with dangerous animals in the wilderness or our lives are otherwise threatened. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. Also anger in the form of occasional mild irritation, pain or discomfort, signals us that we are experiencing unpleasant feelings, has a potential adaptive function too. When we constructively taking the signal and finding a solution, either to pull ourselves out of the unpleasant situation or resolve the related issues, we are responding to the adaptive function of anger. This constructive way of handling our unpleasant feelings is beneficial to our overall health and personal growth. Other than its normal and adaptive function chronic anger in everyday life is a destructive emotion, and aggression is a destructive way of expressing it. It affects self and people around us in very negative and destructive ways.
What do you pay for your anger?
Anger costs us a great deal. It affects our physical health, emotional well being and relationships we are trying to save.
Effects on physical health:
Numerous studies of the effects of Anger and hostility on health show that:
• For people of all ages feelings of hostility, both, unexpressed anger (suppressed anger) and expressed anger and hostility is associated with higher blood pressure and heart diseases.
• High level of hostility is related to increased mortality of all causes.
Either way, unexpressed or expressed, anger negatively affects our health. It’s the anger itself that’s harmful.
Clearly, there are overwhelming evidence suggesting that chronic anger and hostility can lead to overall poorer health, and even a likelihood of premature death.
Effects on emotional wellbeing and relationships:
Studies show that:
• High hostility and anger is related to less social support. Those with high anger receive less support from family members.
• Angry individuals suffer more damaged and broken relationships.
• Angry people end up feeling painfully disconnected from others and experience loneliness.
It is important to pay attention to how an angry person feels disconnected and lonely. Angry people generally have a cynical attitude toward others. This rude, sarcastic, and distrusting attitude limits their ability to recognize support from people around them. At the same time their unrealistic and overly demanding expectations make the offered support seem not good enough. No matter how sincerely people offer their help, the angry person is unable to experience or appreciate the support. There we see that angry people keep others at distance. In so doing, they experience less support and greater sense of loneliness.
As a marriage and family therapist through my 25 years working with people, I have sadly seen relationships destroyed because of anger problem.
Steps to stop your anger
With the knowledge of the damaging effects of anger on all aspects of your life you certainly realize the urgency of taking steps to help your self to stop your anger.
First, to make decision to stop your anger, you need to stop blaming your self. It does not help. In fact, blaming yourself simply creates more pain and negative feelings. And the pain triggers more anger. Second, you need a different way to view your anger problem.
• Your anger is a response you learned early in life to cope with pain. (Anger is a learned response), it can be unlearned with commitment and effort.
• Your anger is a way to overcome feelings of pain, helplessness and lack of control.
• Your anger is a habit that you have not had, up till now, the tools to break.
Third, talk to people close to you and let them know that you are determined to help yourself. Reach out for help. Counseling/ therapy can help when you determine to make it better. It is very hard to do it on your own.
Forth, to break your anger, like other habits people try to break, start with one day at the time. Promise yourself that for one day you will act calmly.
This effort is something you are doing for yourself and not for anyone else. Remind yourself of this. This is just for you. You are worth this effort.
Love yourself truly. Think about when you love someone you want to take good care of that person. That person now is you.
Good luck.
