Friend 2 Friend Opinion Column

E-MAIL THIS

PRINT THIS

MOST POPULAR

XML VERSION

From Friend:  What happens when an otherwise completely rational person starts to act extremely irrational?  I have a really good friend who is in an unhealthy relationship and everyone sees how poorly her partner treats her, but her.  I've tried being there for her and just listen, but is there anything else I could do?


To Friend:  It is a difficult task watching loved ones making choices that are harmful to them and not be able to stop or help them.  It sounds as though you are a very good friend and your caring and concern will make all the difference even though it may not appear that way to you.
It is hard to understand why perfectly wonderful people choose an incompatible partner who’s harmful to them emotionally and otherwise.  No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship.  It may be easier to sway a friend out of a physically abusive relationship.  However, in situations of verbal and emotional outburst or issues of control the victim is the one who has to make some choices.  If she makes it clear that the abusive behavior will not be tolerated then her partner will get the message that if she’s important to him he needs to do better.  The truth is we don’t have the power to change others the only change we can make is within ourselves.  Your friend has made her choice.  Even if it is the wrong choice she will not see it no matter how many people will tell her.  She will only see the truth when she’s ready to accept it.  So in the mean time the only thing you can do is what you have already been doing.  Be there for your friend.  Spend as much time together as both your schedules allow.  When you are together do all the things you used to do so that she’ll get a glimpse of who she is and how loved she is.  If and when she confides in you, be understanding but truthful.  Let her know she has your support.  Hopefully she will ultimately make a decision that will bring happiness to her and those around her.  As her good friend you need to be positive and believe in your friend.  It is important to remember that in other people’s relationships we seem to remember the “baggage” while those in the relationship can reconcile certain situations and move on.  While friends are very important part of our lives our partners take first priority as our best friends and life long partners.  You should encourage your friend to confide more in her partner and communicate with him her feelings and concerns.  I believe people can change, especially for the right reasons.  If they work together and put each other first they can build a healthy, loving relationship.
The best of wishes;
Sincerely,
Maryam

E-MAIL THIS

PRINT THIS

MOST POPULAR

XML VERSION