VOTE OR CONTINUE LIVING THIS SAD PATHETIC EXISTENCE

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(ARGUABLY WORSE THAN DEATH?)
Here it comes your cliché, “why vote” essay.  Now  in honor of all my predecessors, I was trying to think of innovative ways to tell you why to vote and it reminded me of all the essays I had read throughout   my life that encouraged me to vote.  It also made me recall all the things throughout history that were settled by one mere vote (i.e. English as the U.S. national language and Hitler coming to power).  This finally spurred me to think of my own personal    reasons why I shouldn’t   vote;  for if you’re like me, you are as upset as the next person at the state of our political machine and where it has taken us.  Putting  aside the fact that the United States has become a powder keg on the verge of exploding, my apathy has won the best of me and thusly I present to you, the reader, a list of reasons  why not  to  vote:

I’m not voting in 2008 because I don’t like shopping at small locally owned neighborhood stores.   I don’t want the problem of choosing where to shop and on the plus side I truly enjoy cheap plastic  from China.

I’m not voting in 2008 because I believe that new drugs should be available immediately whether or not they have been properly tested and approved.  If the major pharmaceutical companies bottom    lines     are healthy, then I feel healthy too.

I’m not voting in 2008 so that my baby cousins will have to share a classroom with at least 30 other children.  That’s fine though, they’ll be challenged.  Their challenge will be to earn the attention and time of the teacher.  Oh and by the way, please underpay that teacher too.

I’m not voting in 2008 because women just can’t be trusted to make decisions about their own bodies.   Ever.

I’m not voting in 2008 because the   unregulated    use of  fossil fuels is much more important     than  preserving the pristine beauty of our   Earth.

I’m  not    voting in 2008   because I need to be told who I can love and more importantly how I can show a lifetime commitment to that person.

I’m not voting in 2008  because   corporations shouldn’t have to pay to clean    up environmental damage.  The EPA is an outdated model.  The only place to get clean water is in a bottle.

I’m  not voting in 2008 because I don’t want to know if my food has been genetically modified or altered by exposure to radiation.  Living   with t hat fear would    be   too    much to bear.  If  the  label says food, then it’s good  enough  for  me.

I’m not voting in 2008 because I really enjoy being screwed with  my  pants  on by  the  utility  company.

I’m not voting in 2008 because hybrid cars aren’t cool enough,

I’m not voting in 2008 because I just don’t feel like I deserve adequate and complete health insurance.

I’m not going to vote in 2008 because as a country we need more    billionaires   as    our leaders.

I’m  not voting in 2008 because sometimes the Constitution is   just   one   big inconvenient   headache.

I’m not voting in 2008 because I think one big corporation should   run the whole world.

I’m   not  voting in 2008   because America is the most superior nation on Earth and we need to start as many wars as possible to keep it that way.

So there you have it; my list of reasons why not to vote in 2008. What’s yours?

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