PAYAM Ashena: Are Men Happier?   Not Necessarily

Are Men Happier?   Not Necessarily
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Roudabeh Rahbar, PsyD. on 27/10/2011 17:20:00


When most people hear “my friend is depressed,” a majority of these people
picture the friend as a woman. Although more people attribute depression as a
“female disease,” it is actually a silent epidemic among men.
Reportedly, women outnumber men in depression by four to one. Again, this is
what is being reported. Many men think that depression, sadness, melancholy, are
all signs of “weakness.” Therefore, many men try to hide their condition and
feelings. National studies suggest that doctors misdiagnose men with depression
70% of the time. This can also be attributed to how men express depression.
As different as women and men are, the way they express depression is also very
different. Research suggests that depression is expressed differently in men and
women; a reason could be the difference in communication styles. For example,
women tend to internalize distress while men have a tendency to externalize it.
Depressed women tend to reach out and talk about their problems with friends and
family. In comparison, men often have less tolerance to internal pain and seek
out action (such as exercise, sex) or reaching for substances for relief
(alcohol, drugs, gambling).
Depression in men is much more “covert.” It may not appear as obvious as
depression in women, mainly due to the way that it is expressed. Some of the
symptoms of depression in men include the following: overusing drugs, alcohol,
working excessively or seeking extramarital affairs. They also go into
isolation, staying away from loved ones. Men, unlike women, have a tendency
easily to become angry, irritable, losing their temper and may become violent.
The causes of depression are different among men and women as well. For
depressed women, they often feel a loss of confidence and have low self esteem.
For men, they feel more disconnected from their needs and from other people. The
difference in the cause of depression most likely comes from early childhood,
where socially boys are taught to pull away from their mothers, their emotions,
and their vulnerabilities. For example, when a young boy falls on the playground
and starts crying, so often he will hear, “It’s nothing, man up! Boys
don’t cry.”
So what treatment options are available for depressed men? Well for starters,
reconnection with themselves and others is key. It is important to resolve any
violent behaviors or self medicating behaviors, such as affairs, drug/alcohol
use, and being a workaholic. These need to be addressed in order to reach the
underlying problem of depression. Ultimately, it is imperative to reestablish a
connection and develop intimacy and closeness in relationships. The whole ideal
of male stoicism and machismo always leads to isolation which is at the root of
depression.
Dr. Rahbar is a licensed clinical psychologist treating individuals and couples
currently practicing in Los Angeles.